Have you ever thought of where broken hearts go? I have been to so many places hoping to easily get over the untimely end of my marriage.
Like I said in the article about my divorce ‘Inside Asiedua’s chest -My divorce a day after my wedding’, I started running after I found out but I did not know where I was going to. I divorced my husband a day after my wedding. My ex-husband had an affair with his ex on the eve of our wedding.
I found out on our wedding night. It was a very difficult time for me; I was so confused and did not know where to go.
One thing that made me feel better after the divorce was writing the story for others to read on myjoyonline.com. Many people offered to help me. It helped me but it was just for a while.
In the second part of my story,’ Inside Asiedua’s chest- My divorce a day after my wedding Pt. 2’, I wrote about the trauma. My whole life was centered on my relationship with Jo. My dream, my whole life was halted because I had to take about a whole year off to get over everything. I will never forget the pain I went through, I couldn’t eat nor sleep. I invested all my emotions in the relationship so it was really hard to let go but I had to. I had very little time for friends, and even family.
The situation destroyed my relationship with so many people from both Jo’s family and even mine. I was so not ready for what happened. And of course, no one prepares for such things, which is the more reason why it hurts so much.
I was off mobile phone and social media for a while. It did not solve the problem but everyone who has been in this situation will agree that it really helps. After I shared the story, my colleagues had calls from their friends, asking about me and wanting to know if the story was true and if I was okay.
Little did I know about the stir that the story had caused until I logged on to Facebook. I read some comments on Joy FM’s Facebook page. And Oh my! You should read them. I can only share a few with you.
Lava Dinno wrote “R u divorcing him cos he cheated on u?…Or unthinking the next guy will be as faithful as Abraham in the bible.. As soon as u divorce him… His ex girl will come for him.. It’s good you know your enemy now…Remember, not every lady will marry (that’s a fact)… Fight for what you have… He is yours… Protect your home and think of the vows… No guy is perfect and remember, the devil you know is batter…(continue for me)”
…Is better than the enemy you do not know…I just continued, Lava. Thank you for your advice Lava, but I wish I could stay after forgiving him but it is easier said than done. Remember this was a man I was going to live with for the rest of my life and I could not have done that doubting him forever. So because there is a perception that not every lady will get a man to marry, I should stay in a marriage that will make my life a living hell? No.
Some of these comments and thoughts make some women continue to live with their abusive husbands and think there are no good men out there. Although it will be hard to enter a relationship after this experience, I still think there are good men out there. Not all men are like Jo.
Dela Goldheart wrote, “Looking at some of the comments here, I realise most of us have no idea what love and marriage stands for. But let me help you out. Those two things stand for commitment. I don’t know why most women keep making themselves cheap. Is it for the money? Then get yours and you wouldn’t worry so much about leaving him when he fools around. If it were me, I will not think twice before walking out of that marriage. I might even make his life a living hell. For me, a beautiful wedding is not necessarily an expensive one, neither is love cheating. So to live with a cheat, I’d rather stay single for the rest of my life. I think the sooner we start realising the magnitude of the effects of cheating, the better.”
I thought well about it and walked out of the marriage but I won’t make Jo’s life a living hell. You know why, because vengeance is of the Lord.
Ewurabena Ayebea Ayeh wrote, “Asiedua….the best thing isn’t divorcing him, rather help him change to become what you want…do you want to give up n start all over…Just take heart with God, nothing seem impossible…..wouldn’t say what he did is good but it has already happened. Will you give up your marriage because of pictures you saw on your husband’s phone? C’mon, think about this carefully…he is cheating with his ex yet still he chose you as a wife this should tell you soo many things….think twice before you act.”
I prayed and thought deeply about everything before going through the divorce process Ewurabena. Besides I do not think I could change him, it could take the whole of my lifetime to do that. However, I did not divorce Jo because of the pictures I saw on his phone, but because he cheated on me. Yes, his choice might have many meanings, one of which could be the many opportunities that our marriage was going to give him.
Akua Sarfowaa Afriyie wrote, “A man who cheats on his bride-to-be on the eve of his wedding never loved her in the first place and if he did, clearly that love wasn’t enough. The fact that he slept with his ex the night before his marriage is an obvious sign that he still has unresolved feelings for said woman. Here’s the deal, if you’re going to go sleep with your ex, then stand with me at the altar before God and man, making vows you already broke just the night before, I doubt staying married to you would be worth anything. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and I would like to think if I ever got married I wouldn’t have to spend my every waking moment worrying about whether my husband was cheating on me or not.”
Exactly my point Akua, you have said it all. I couldn’t have lived with a cheat for the rest of my life. Besides if he really loved me, he could have told me about what he did before going to exchange the vows with me to mock God.
Sindele James-Adeniyi wrote, “I have been married for almost 25 years. Every day you find a million and one reasons to divorce each other but you never do. Those cragged rocks you see now are the foundations that only TRUE LOVE can cement to make stronger. You need to be prayerful…Marriage is not a bed of roses but a bed of thorns which grows amongst roses. Go back and love your man. If he does not change after 10 years you are free to leave him.”
I must commend you for sustaining your marriage for twenty-five years but I must also say that I do not think you and your spouse would have made it this far if you had a bad foundation like mine. Your last sentence makes me laugh. What, ten years? That is such a long time to waste! Thank you for the advice but I couldn’t have wasted ten years of my life on a cheating husband.
There were over a thousand comments and I wish I could read all of them. I logged onto Facebook to read comments on the story on Joy 99.7 FM’s timeline. There were over one thousand of them. I was touched by some and I laughed over some but I cherish the time that people spent to share their thoughts on the issue. Reading some of these comments brought me back to Facebook but after some time, like every other thing, it also passed.
The question came back to mind – where do broken hearts go? I went to my aunties in London to get over the divorce but it only helped for a while. I tried creating accounts on almost all the social media platforms – Kik, Keek, Viber, Tango, Imo, Line, Skype, Twitter, Facebook, you name them. They all helped but for a while.
Was all hope gone? Hmm…then I remembered what the Bible says “I will lift up my eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth…” (Psalm 121:1-2)
He has been there for me all this while, my help cometh from Him, the creator of heaven and earth, so why did I think there was no hope. Yes, I have an answer to the question now. I have since gotten much closer to Him. Broken hearts go to God. I have finally found a permanent place, in the Lord.
I now read His word regularly, He is my new friend. I try as much as I can to spread His word to others who have still not heard about Him. Trust me, my new friend, God never disappoints. He is ever ready to hear me.
And guess what gets me closer to Him, praise! And that is why I won’t miss #AirtelAdomPraiz2015 with Hezekiah Walker.
The word of God says “It is good to praise the LORD and make music to His name, O Most High…” (Psalm 92:1).
It’s at the Perez Dome on Sunday, 12th September 2015. See you there!